Okay, that's not entirely true. If you happen to be a potential sponsor or participant, don't sound the alarm bells just yet.
Hear me out!
I began mapping out this project in my head sometime in the early fall of 2010. Soon after, I told a friend about it and then my parents and before I knew it I was pulling an all-nighter to create the first version of this very website. Fast forward 7-ish months and here I am only 60 days away from my departure date. Holy CRAP!
It has been an absolute whirlwind and the panic is starting to set in. Is this normal?! My brain is completely consumed with all of the "what ifs" and even though I am a pretty positive person, the thoughts ain't too pretty...especially at 1:00a.m (now). It's the 1:00a.m. blues. There is no question that I am and always have been a dreamer. I think big and that has both its advantages and disadvantages. In this moment it's a disadvantage.
My Roadtrip with Reason project is not where I had dreamed it would be. It's not that I am (too) disorganized, it's just that I haven't mastered a skill yet. The most important skill, of course! ENGAGEMENT! I am not sure how to engage as many people as I want to, and that seriously bothers me. Yes, it's just a project and i know it's not going to change the world and blah blah blah....but I want to inspire! I want to make some kind of difference, big or small. I can't do that without at least engaging the people around me.
Don't get me wrong, I have an audience. I look at my stats! Hundreds of peeps visit here daily (like you, maybe) but typically leave without saying anything. Why are you so shy?! Hah. To try and make myself feel better, I remind myself that I do it too. Since I have joined the Twitter world and have been introduced to hundreds of incredible travel bloggers, I find myself reading blog post after blog post and I don't always leave a comment either. I guess it's just human nature?
I think what it comes down to is that I (sometimes) feel inadequate. I don't have a niche!
I am not a travel blogger (though I sure wish I could get in on their awesome inner circle).
I am not a journalist (it's obvious, eh?).
I am not a videographer.
I am not a non-profit guru.
I am definitely not Volunteer of the year.
I have no idea where I fit in.
I know there are always hiccups along the way but tonight I am definitely feeling like the nerdy younger sister that no one wants to play with. I look at other projects similar to mine and can't help but feel entirely envious. What magical powder are they taking?! Where do I get it?! Note: This is not my subtle way of seeking out a drug dealer. Please leave that kind of magical powder at home. Haha.
I know when I wake up tomorrow things will feel better. Something exciting will happen and I will scratch another thing off of my 'To Do' list and the day will move on...
I DO know what I am doing.
I can do it!
I just hope that the 1:00 a.m. panic eventually turns into the 1:00 a.m quality sleep.